Orange Wine

September 23, 2011

That sommelier,
That sommelier,
I do not like that sommelier.

Can I see your list of wines?
Please, oh please,
Before we dine?

Our list is fine,
Our list is fine.
But won’t you try
This orange wine?

I will not try
That orange wine.
I’d rather have
A glass of Rhine.
I do not drink
Those orange wines.
I do not like them,
Anytime.

Will you drink it
Here or there?

I will not drink it
Here or there.
I will not drink it
Anywhere.
I do not drink
Those orange wines.
I do not like them,
Anytime.

Will you drink it
By the glass?
I recommend it
With the bass.

I will not drink it by the glass.
I will not drink it with the bass.
I will not drink it here or there.
I will not drink it anywhere.
I will not drink those orange wines.
I do not like them, anytime.

Will you drink it
In a box?
It’s quite tasty
With the lox.

Not in a box, not with the lox.
Not by the glass, not with the bass.
I will not drink it here or there.
I will not drink it anywhere.
I will not drink those orange wines.
I do not like them, anytime.

Would you? Could you?
On the roof?
Try it! Try it!
It’s not spoofed.

I would not,
Could not,
On the roof.
I would not,
Could not,
Here or there.
I do not drink them
Anywhere.

Would you drink it
With the uni?

I would not.
It sounds so loony.

You may like it,
You will see.
Would you try it
In a tree?

I would not, could not,
In a tree.
I’d honestly
Prefer Chablis.
Those orange wines are not for me.
Sommelier, just let me be!

Will you try it
On the house?
Will you try it
With a mouse?

Not on the house! Not with a mouse!
Not in a tree! Just let me be!
I would not, could not, on the roof.
I would not, could not, that’s the truth.
I will not drink it in a box.
I will not drink it with the lox.
I will not drink it by the glass.
I will not drink it with the bass.
I will not drink it here or there.
I will not drink it anywhere.
I will not drink that orange wine.
I do not like them, anytime.

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
It’s not orange in the dark!

I would not, could not,
In the dark.

You do not like
These orange wines?

I do not like them,
Bottom line.

You do not like them,
So you say.
But take a whiff
Of this bouquet!
One whiff and you may, I say.

Sommelier,
Just let me say,
I don’t care
If that bouquet
Will make me
Bend my knees to pray.
And I don’t care about the bass
If orange wine’s inside my glass.
And I don’t care about the place
They grow these silly orange grapes.
I don’t care if far away
The sky is orange every day,
And fields of orange vineyards grow
Around an orange-brick chateau,
And grapes are stomped with orange feet
Until the orange wine’s complete
And songs about the wine are sung
In sing-song foreign orange tongues
By tribes of little orange dwarfs
Called the neffer-neffer-norfs!
I do not like those orange wines!
I will not drink them, anytime!
So spare me please the blow-by-blow.
I think it’s time for me to go.

Wait! Just wait!
Before you go,
There is something
You should know.
I did not bring
The list of wines
Although the list
Is mighty fine,
Because our list,
My friend, you see,
Has a certain specialty.
We have a thousand
Wines consigned
And every wine
With which to dine
Is mighty fine,
Sublime, divine!
But all our wines
Are orange wines.

Very well.
If we have to play that way,
My stubborn goateed sommelier,
Then play that way we will, I say.
Play that way we will, I say.
Pour me please that orange wine.
I will drink it, this one time. . . .

Say! I like this orange wine!
I do! I’d drink it anytime!
I would drink it by the glass.
And I would drink it with the bass.
I would drink it in a box.
And I would drink it with the lox.
I would drink it on the house.
And I would drink it with a mouse.
I would drink it with the uni.
I don’t care if it sounds loony!
I would drink it here or there.
I would drink it anywhere!
Thank you, Mister Sommelier!
But there’s one thing I hate to say.
I do not need this orange wine,
Because it didn’t come in time.
It seems that while you stood there bleating
I’d already sat and eaten.
Thank you, Mister Sommelier.
But I’ll just pay and go away.

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9 Responses to “Orange Wine”

  1. James Dietz said

    A tip of the hat,
    to one clever cat.
    It remains to be seen,
    if you’d drink a wine that’s green.

  2. Been reading to your son much lately? I’m guessing the answer is yes.

  3. Excellent – there’s more for me now.

  4. Quite nice, Keith, even though I don’t believe the ending ;)

  5. Christina Swafford said

    Very cleverly done, but should be edited…

  6. Joseph Swafford said

    Cool.
    Christina, who shares this e-mail address with me, just has difficulty remembering days with Dr. Seuss when our kids were little…
    Levenberg, I sensed you were a poet from reading your stuff these last several months and now it is confirmed, for better or verse.

  7. I thought it was really great, laugh-out-loud funny. Well, maybe until the semi-happy ending.

  8. [...] Keith having a joke at the expense of Alice [...]

  9. Ron Levenberg said

    Very, very funny!

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